Non-developers won’t get this.
Managers will pretend they do.
But if you’ve ever shipped code under pressure…
You’re about to feel personally attacked.
1. “It Worked Yesterday.”
The most terrifying sentence in tech.
Nothing changed.
Nobody touched anything.
Yet production is on fire.
Science refuses to explain this phenomenon.
2. The Bug That Disappears When Someone Watches
You call a teammate.
Share your screen.
Prepare to explain.
Bug: vanishes.
You look unhinged.
The code looks innocent.
The universe laughs.
3. Fix One Thing, Break Three Others
You patch a tiny issue.
Suddenly:
- Login breaks
- Notifications explode
- The app speaks Spanish
Congratulations.
You unlocked hidden side quests.
4. “Quick Change” From Product
“Small tweak.”
“Should be easy.”
“No rush.”
Three hours later you’re rewriting core logic and questioning your life choices.
5. StackOverflow Answer From 2012 Saves Your Career
No context.
No explanation.
Just a code snippet and one comment:
“This worked for me.”
It still works.
Don’t ask why.
Never touch it again.
6. The Commit Message: final_final_v2_really_fixed
You lied to yourself.
You knew it wasn’t final.
You still typed it.
Git remembers everything.
So does shame.
7. The Code Works… and You Don’t Know Why
This is it.
This is the one.
Tests pass.
Build succeeds.
Production is stable.
You stare at the screen thinking:
“If I touch anything, it will die.”
You don’t celebrate.
You don’t refactor.
You slowly back away like a wildlife photographer.
This isn’t success.
This is fear-based stability.
8. Debugging for 2 Hours, Fixing With One Character
Missing semicolon.
Wrong bracket.
Extra space.
You feel relief.
Then rage.
Then hunger.
9. “Let’s Just Rewrite It”
The most dangerous idea in tech.
Sounds clean.
Feels right.
Ends careers.
Legacy code always wins.
Always.
10. Rubber Duck Debugging Actually Works
You explain the problem to a duck.
Halfway through, you solve it.
The duck knows things.
Do not question the duck.
Final Truth
If you laughed at more than three of these…
You’re not broken.
You’re not bad at coding.
You’re just a developer.
And yes —
#7 lives rent-free in all of us.