It started like any normal sprint.
Standups full of lies.
Backlog full of hope.
Jira full of dreams that would never see production.
And me — one broken developer, one broken feature, one broken soul.
Then…
I ate chocolate.
What happened next shocked my whole engineering department.
Hour 1: Despair
The sprint was on fire.
- Three critical bugs
- One “quick change” from product
- A build that worked only during full moon
- A QA message that just said: “???”
I stared at the screen like a man questioning both his code and his life choices.
Nothing helped.
Not coffee.
Not rage.
Not restarting my laptop for the 17th time.
Then I found chocolate.
Hour 2: The First Bite — The Awakening
Milk chocolate.
Basic.
Sweet.
But powerful.
Within minutes:
- My keyboard felt more responsive
- My thoughts became structured
- My code stopped screaming
- Even my indentation looked more confident
Coincidence?
Science isn’t ready.
Hour 3: Dark Chocolate — Entering God Mode
Then I leveled up.
70% dark chocolate.
This wasn’t a snack.
This was a framework.
Suddenly:
- I refactored legacy code without fear
- I understood what past-me was trying to do
- I wrote tests… voluntarily
- I closed 5 tickets without crying
My teammates looked at me like I had joined a cult.
They weren’t wrong.
Hour 4: White Chocolate — Chaos Phase
Then I got brave.
White chocolate.
Mistake.
Energy spiked.
Focus vanished.
I started renaming variables for fun.
I reorganized files that nobody touched since 2014.
I created a new folder called /v2_final_really_final.
The sprint was “fixed.”
But at what cost?
Hour 5: The Crash
Reality returned.
Hands shaking.
Eyes dry.
Soul emptied.
The chocolate effect wore off and I realized:
I had pushed directly to main.
Without review.
At 4:59 PM.
Senior dev just wrote in chat:
“We need to talk.”
Final Lesson
Chocolate didn’t fix my sprint.
It gave me hope.
It gave me courage.
It gave me the confidence to do terrible things faster.
And honestly?
That’s what a real productivity tool does.
Conclusion
Next time your sprint is burning and your Jira looks like a horror movie, remember:
✅ Therapy is expensive
✅ Deadlines are real
✅ But chocolate…
Chocolate is magic.