Every tech office eventually faces a terrifying, world-shaking question:
Who would write cleaner, faster, more reliable code — a team of interns or a team of dogs?
At first, the answer seems obvious.
But after observing both species in their natural habitat (open-space офис под кофе и дедлайнами), the truth becomes much more chaotic.
Welcome to the ultimate coding showdown you never knew you needed.
Round 1: Debugging Skills
Interns:
Will stare at a bug for 3 hours, blame the system, Google 25 StackOverflow articles, and finally whisper,
“Okay, I think I broke production.”
Dogs:
Sniff the keyboard.
Sniff the chair.
Sniff the bug.
Walk away satisfied.
Winner: Dogs.
At least they don’t break prod while sniffing things.
Round 2: Ability to Follow Instructions
Interns:
“Can you fix this small UI bug by the end of day?”
— Two hours later, they’ve redesigned the entire interface, installed 4 new npm packages, and broken dark mode.
Dogs:
Tell them to sit — they sit.
Tell them to fetch — they fetch.
Tell them not to commit directly to main — they don’t even know where main is.
Winner: Dogs.
Consistency matters.
Round 3: Focus & Discipline
Interns:
Will open VSCode, then Slack, then YouTube, then GitHub, then ChatGPT, then check their phone, then return to VSCode and immediately need a snack.
Dogs:
Laser-focused…
on literally anything except work.
Winner: Tie.
Both distracted, but charming.
Round 4: Team Communication
Interns:
Write messages like:
“hey quick q”
“nvm solved it”
“actually no still broken”
“can someone check my merge pls my laptop is on fire”
Dogs:
woof.
(Translation: “Production server memory leak in module 4. Recommend immediate rollback.”)
Winner: Dogs.
Clear, concise, emotionally stable.
Round 5: Creativity
Interns:
Can produce highly creative solutions that no senior would ever approve, understand, or deploy in the next 100 years.
Dogs:
Will create chaos by stepping on the keyboard and generating code that somehow passes all tests.
Winner: Interns.
Controlled chaos beats accidental genius.
Round 6: Stress Resistance
Interns:
Start sweating when Jenkins blinks at them.
Panic when they hear the words “urgent hotfix.”
Disappear entirely when asked to explain their own code.
Dogs:
Remain calm even if the office is literally on fire.
Because they don’t know what a deadline is.
Winner: Dogs.
Ignorance is bliss. And good for morale.
Round 7: Code Quality
Interns:
Will write code that works…
just not today.
Dogs:
Will write code that doesn’t work…
but is so adorable no one gets mad.
Winner: Dogs.
Cutness > correctness.
Final Verdict: Who Wins?
After seven rounds of intense analysis and zero scientific methodology, the results are clear:
🥇 Dogs win the Ultimate Coding Showdown!
Not because they’re better coders —
but because they bring:
- Zero drama
- Zero ego
- Maximum joy
- And they never push to production without review
Interns, we still love you.
But let’s be honest:
if dogs had opposable thumbs, HR would replace all of us immediately.